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1月31日 OK I'm convinced...My friends really want to see me with snow white hair!
Or at least to see me ACTULLY jump out of my skin, and I am also convinced I shouldn't turn the ringer off on my phone for 2 days without letting my friends know. (I was able to do this cause Tessa was home, finals are done and she has a couple of days off.)
After running errands all morning and finding one BIG ass candle that didn't cost a fortune, (I love candles, the bigger the better)
I got home just in time to send Tessa off to Cadets.....ahhhh! 3 hrs alone, bliss! I fill the bath with lots of my favorite bubble bath ( Teddy's choice Night Time Baby wash, very soothing), and settled in for a good long soak before I watch "Bones" in peace....
Well see here is where I neglected to, one check messages, and two to lock the dead bolt on the front door.
So as I am relaxing in the bath I hear the door open I didn't think much of because it is quite normal for Tessa to come back, she almost always forgets something.....
It wasn't Tessa, it was my ex.
DANM! I forgot to get the spare key from him. (note to self get that key back, or change the locks or both!)
Let me tell you when I first heard the male voice saying "Hello?"
I FREAKED for about 2 seconds, then I recognised the voice, then I was just pissed and told him so threw the bathroom CLOSED door.
Well I guess he didn't want to have this conversation threw a closed door because he opened the door and proceeded to strip down to his boxers and GOT IN the tub with me!
I was STUNNED, and also very thankful that the bubbles covered me to my chin, (and that he left the boxers on.)
When I regained the power of speech, I asked him what the HELL he thought he was doing, and he said that he just came over to check on me because I wasn't answering my phone....
Well DUH! I'm not stupid I figured that part out for myself! I meant what the hell was he doing in my bath with me!
Well at least he had the decency to look a little shame faced at this and says, "The bath looked so inviting he couldn't help himself, and that he missed our baths together." (We used to have some of the best talks while we soaked in the tub.)
Awww how sweet...NOT!
I told him to get out so I could finish my bath in peace, he didn't at first but the silent treatment works wonders!
He got out and I grabbed my towel and pulled the curtain shut so I could stand up and dry off in relative privacy.
It's time for the "I'm not interested " talk yet again!
After I got dressed I went into the livingroom to have said talk but, he stopped me and said, "I know you'er pissed at me, but I was really just joking around....If I wanted to start something I wouldn't have left the boxers on."
Said with such a cheeky grin I started to laugh, do you know how hard it is to stay mad at someone that makes you laugh?
~Sigh~
Have a good night all!
Cindy
~Just to clearify~
He's not nuts or a stalker , he just likes to try and shock me.
Remember I was the one that tried to get him so drunk that he would get his nipples pierced..<GRIN> 1月30日 It Appears...That not only am I destined to not have a decant relationship, it also appears I'm destined to never have decant nights sleep again...The first one I have come to fully accept and embrace to a degree. I know full well I have a lot of "me" work to do before that is even a possibility.
BUT.
This 2-3 hours of sleep a night is getting stupid!!
Night before last I didn't get to sleep until very late but after getting Tessa off to school I actually was able to go back to sleep. Joy of joys!
Not an hour later the phone rings and it is an acquaintance, (I have a hard time calling her a friend for a couple reasons I won't get into right now.), and she wants to come over for coffee with 4 kids in tow so her husband can get a couple of hours sleep because he was up all night watching movies......Awww poor baby! Doesn't really help I can't stand the guy either, (he is the overcompensating control freak I have mentioned before.)
Now normally I wouldn't mind I enjoy having the kids in the house, but I all I wanted to do was grab a couple of hours of sleep before my sister came over with Tessa's bike that I had to go shopping and get a kick stand for...( Not that I even know what I'm looking for.)
Does this woman get the hint that I am booked for the day and that I wanted to get off the phone?
No, not even after I SAID "Look I didn't get much sleep last night, I need to go."
She just kept on talking arrgg!
I finally got her off the phone, but there is no chance of me going back to sleep before my sister gets here, so I get up and go for a walk and you know what happened during THAT walk (my last entry) I get home and find out my sister isn't coming....again joy of joys.
I decide that I won't have a nap and get to bed early, which I did....Got into bed wrapped up tight in my blankies, found that one sweet spot all beds have but is so hard to find sometimes, and fell into a deep dreamless sleep......
For all of 3 hours arrggg!
Something woke me up I don't know what, doesn't matter I was up, got out of bed kicked Tessa off the couch and into her bed, played for a bit on pogo, visited blog friends, then around 3 am I thought I would give sleep another try didn't even come close until 4 am, (thank god for cooking shows!) Then just as I'm dosing off one of my cats starts puking...YUCK!
So it is now almost 7 am yet again time to kick the kid out of bed and off to school.
I know what some of you just might be saying: "Why don't you turn the phone off?" Well I would love to do that but with Tessa's stomach problem I have to reachable at all times, the same goes for earplugs for the night time, I have to listen for her, she is such a deep sleeper (lucky brat!) that it is a real danger if she starts to vomit, she doesnt always wake up on her own and she could choke, I really can't wait to find out what is going on with this kid!
And yes I harass the Doc almost daily.
But ya know it isn't all bad my house smells great with a combination of fabric softener, fresh brewed coffee, and french toast.
Have a great day all! Cindy 1月29日 What some people do when told no....When we moved into this complex 4 yrs ago it wasn't where I wanted to be, although I was sad that the house we had been in for so long had sold I looked at it as an opportunity to finally get a place of my own again after 7 yrs of living with my Mother. What had started out as a temporary thing ended up being a 9 yr stint in HELL, my Mother and I get along MUCH better when we don't live together.
Anyway when we had to move we had to find a place fast, and as I tried to find my own place my Mother along with my brothers and oldest sister made it almost impossible to do that, some of the shit they pulled was unbelievable my brothers and sister did it because they didn't want to take care of our Mother, my Mother did it because she had never lived by herself before in all of her 60 plus years, added to the fact that she had gotten herself in such a debt whole that she really couldn't live on her own.
So Here I was stuck in a place I didn't want to be taking on a responsibility that I shouldn't have had too all on my own.
The reason we got into this Co-op as fast as we did was because we knew a couple of people here that just happened to be on the membership committee at the time, let me tell ya it was a double edged sword!
Now I know this sounds ungratfull and bitchy, but WOW! The one woman really caused trouble for me in the Co-op and as well as in my family from the day we moved in, She just happened to be my sister's best friend since they were little and as such she has known me since I was a baby and because of this she thought it was her right to tell me how I should run my household and who I should and shouldn't talk to in the Co-op among other things and for reasons I don't understand she started spreading rumors about Tessa saying things like she was bullying the younger kids in the play ground and being rude to the adults when they tried to talk to her and saying I said things about people that I didn't EVEN know at the time!
And there were a few other things, and when I confronted her about this she would deny it or say this or that person had asked her to talk to me about Tessa, but when asked for a name she would say "Oh they don't want to cause a fuss, they just wanted me to let you know what was going on."
I have come to learn that she was spreading these rumors to deflect the spot light from herself and her family, you see all the things that she said Tessa did, were in fact done by her Granddaughter who is the same age as Tessa, but thinks and acts like she's much older, and she's really not a nice girl.
Anyway It all came to a head just after I finally got my Mother to move out and I moved into the unit that I'm in now, a very sweet woman who lived in the complex and had become a good friend to both Tessa and I passed away when she was found (by her son 2 days after) and the ambulance was called Tessa just happened to be the one to direct ambulance to her unit.
Tessa came and told me what was going on (at this time Tessa didn't know that the lady had died) I went up to see what I could do to help, as soon as I saw the son, who also lived in the complex I knew what had happened, I also knew that he had 2 small sons at home that needed looking after so I told him I would watch the boys until his Mother in-law could come and get them.
By this time Tessa had found out what had happened and was beside herself, Tessa adored this woman, every morning she and Tessa would have a cup of tea and walk to school together, (L. was a teacher at the school).
Tessa knew I was looking after the boys but didn't want them to see her upset so she went to another friend of ours in the complex, so she was NOT out side.
Don't worry I am getting to the point of the story, it's just taking a bit to get there....
Anyway about two weeks later Tessa came home in tears, and I asked her why....
What she told me made me angrier then I have ever been before in my life!
Tessa said in between sobs, D. (the liar) told her that the son and daughter-in law of the woman that passed away were angry with her because on the day they found L. Tessa was outside running around telling all the little kids what had happened and acting inappropriate.
Now I tell you I KNOW my kid has a mouth on her, but she never would have done that. For one she was too upset to even speak that day let alone tell anyone what was going on and for two I know for a fact that she was at our friends house.
So I calmed Tessa down and headed out the door to confront this bitch who because she has no life of her own likes to cause trouble where ever and when ever she can.
As I was walking to her unit I walked by another neighbour he said "WOW! I sure wouldn't want to be the one your mad at!"
I said "No you don't."
I got to the liar's door and banged on it and confront her with the lies she has told yet again, in stead of denying it she stands by what she said and says that I'm being blind to what my child is like and that she has witnesses to what Tessa did but as always she won't give me names.....OK I'm going to put and end to this crap once and for all!
I go and get the neighbour that Tessa went to that day, and I know for a fact that she knows what Tessa did for the rest of the day.
I get back with the neighbour and she tells the liar that Tessa couldn't have done what she (the liar) is claiming because Tessa was with her the whole time.
But instead of admitting she was wrong and apologising she (the liar) says she's not a liar and she heard and saw Tessa doing these things and that we are just picking on her because we are prejudice.....WTF!
First off she is white (her kids and grand kids aren't) and second that is just the most ridiculous thing to say to me of all people and it has NOTHING to do with the situation.
Well at this point I've had enough and I told the liar that I didn't want her talking to Tessa or me ever again, and that she was not welcome to even knock on my door and she was to stop telling people that we are part of her family....And that if I EVER heard about her spreading rumors about me or Tessa again I was going to lodge a complaint.
That was two years ago, and I haven't heard anything from her or even seen her around the complex lately.
Then today as I was walking around the block a few times this twit comes up to me and says that she's going to tell my sister how mean and rude I've been to her.....HUH?
OK so I know enough not to argue with someone who has obviously lost touch with reality, but I'm cranky and I have to admit I'm spoiling for a bit of a fight, so instead of saying "I'm sorry you feel that way and do what you feel you need to do." Thus defusing the situation......Maybe.
I say, "Go ahead, I don't give a f*ck you or my sister think of me! And if she chooses to believe your lies then she's just as useless as you are!"
There!
Now she had a REAL reason to tell my sister I was mean.
Well She did tell my sister what I said.....and she thought it was funny, I know this because she called me laughing, and said "Well I guess you shouldn't have told her no when she asked for your parking spot....lol!"
Can you believe it?
All that crap just because I didn't want to give up my parking spot 2 years ago!
Man! I thought I had a hard time letting go of things......LMAO!
Have a great day all!
Cindy Nothing to sayLike Warm I wish I had something insightful and witty to say but I have NOTHING to say other than I'm frustrated and I want a cigarette so badly it makes me sick....Not going to have one because then I WILL be sick.
Good night all and have a good week.
Cindy 1月27日 Mindless rambleYesterday was a beautiful day but soooo cold the frost on the ground still hadn't melted in some spot a 4 in the afternoon, I'm not complaining just stating facts.
I was out most of the day being a plumber again but I did take time out for myself and go for a walk to "no where", that's what I call the walks I take when I don't have anywhere to go so I just pick a direction and go, I didn't get too far yesterday because of the cold but it was still nice to be out in the winter sun.
Honestly I can't wait for spring to get here so I can go to the beach.
When I was in high school we used to call days like yesterday (freezing cold, but bright and sunny) "Vancouver Days".
On more then one occasion my best friend and I would meet up at our lockers and just look at each other grab or jackets and leave. Yes we skipped school. Hey! what do you expect? I was doing 3 grades (10,11,and 12) all in one year sometimes I just NEEDED a break and what better excuse is there then a beautiful day.
Anyway this was in the days before the Skytrain so the bus ride took about 2 hours in that 2 hours we waylaid our guilt a little by studying but, once we hit Gastown school was forgotten!
I don't know why but Gastown was always our starting point from there we would head to Granville St. or the beach at English Bay and dream about the day that we would live in one of the beach front high rise apartments, I got to live in one for a couple of months when I was with Tessa's Dad, it was nice but small and costly.
And when I worked for Starbuck's I worked only a block from English Bay, it was always nice to walk down on my lunch break and sit and watch the water.
Sometimes I really miss that.
I know I can still go and watch the water but not everyday like I did then.
Well who knows one of these days my numbers just might hit and I can afford to live there again.
And finally to Rich~ thank you for your very kind comment on Thursdays entry, I can't think how I could possibly take it the wrong way, it was sweet and thanks again.
~End of ramble~
(((Hugs)))
Cindy
1:09 pm
Ok that was strange I was trying to get into my space and it looked as if I would have to find a way to delete it but I couldn't even get in long enough to do that.
So I sent an e-mail to MSN Help, then I tried again and I can get in....weird! Friday nightOr it is at least as I start to write this.
It was a busy day, I fixed my plumbing as well as a couple of other units small problems, I had to state that I was only able to fix these problems because 1. I had these kinds of problems in a house I had before and the landlord was hard to get a hold of, and a plumber for a boyfriend who insisted I learn to do minor repairs because he too wasn't always easy to get a hold of either, and 2. I could do it faster than the so called handy-man because I have very small hands so it's easier for me to get in tight places. So NO ONE and I repeat NO ONE is to call me at two in the morning to fix a leak. I am not a plumber, just impatient.
Earlier in the day the other board handy-man finally came home THANK GOD!
Now I knew I would get the right parts without argument, although I have to say the poor guy got the brunt of my frustration at the other guys when he said that he would come and fix it for me, I snapped at him that "I didn't need his help but these other guys did! And oh before you go you do need to come over and change a light bulb for me."HMMMPH! PFFFT!
He laughed out loud and said, "you can fix a toilet and a leaky faucet but you can't change a light bulb!..lol!"
"Yeah so? the plumbing problems don't involve getting up on chair or step-ladder...I DON"T DO heights!".....
 So he did that for me and all is good again.
One good thing happened though, I got a really good deal on a set of Art Deco dishes I love them they are funky!
Night all!
Cindy 1月25日 It's Thursday YAY!And I get to be a plumber for the day Oh joy!
Happy Robert Burns Day!
 Well the end of the day and I'm not impressed what should have been a easy fix ended up taking over a hour and 2 trips to the store, and I still had to jerry-rig it to work but it's fixed for now and after I yell at the board (of the Co-op) and get them to see that cheaping out will only cost them more in the long run and get the right amount to get what's needed it will be fixed for good.
I actually get a kick out of people who percieve me as a helpless woman just because I can't do certain things, and then they see what I have learned to do to compansate for my short comings, and the look on thier face is pricless!
Night all
Cindy 1月23日 So Today...Ended up being some what of a good (and bad) day, I was able to go out and get the things I wanted, and saw that my favorite dollar store got a bunch of new stuff in so I will be going back tomorrow with my little push cart and pick up some cute things for Valentine's Day (for Tessa) and some red wine glasses and new funky coffee mugs I had some breakage in the collection that at the time of moving in here was at 60 plus but now 2 and half years later has dwindled so I have to bump the numbers back up.
After I got back from my walk I came home and was hurting. I know I landed flat on my butt yesterday, but somehow it's my hip that hurts like hell and has a big bruise that is actually turning pretty colours still HURTS though.
So anyway to take my mind off the pain I decided I would clear out one of the dresser's I ve been meaning to go through for a while now....and here comes the bad part as I was emptying it out I found a half pack of cigarettes and yes after a week of absolutely no cigs not even a puff I caved...So it's back to the gum, I'm not doing the pills anymore because I had a really bad reaction last week so those are a no go, but the gum really did help so that's what I'm going to do, yes I am pathetic.
 Anyway the cleaning wasn't taking my mind off the pain and my lack of will power, so I decided to take some T3's and lay down and watch some daytime t.v. not something I usually do, I'm not a snob about it or anything I just don't watch it, but today I was flipping through channels and what do I see?
I see my hero doing his day job....as Dr. Noah Drake (the original Dr. McDreamy) on General Hospital<Happy Sigh>.
 Yes I mean Rick Springfield...
 So Needless to say I fell asleep and had sweet dreams...LOL!Until Tessa came home and woke me up for a few minutes, then when I fell back to sleep I had some really strange ones,
The worst one was about shedding my teeth like a snake does it skin....I don't want to even think about what that could mean.....YIKES!
 Good night all!
Cindy Hurry up Friday...Nothing special happening on that day, I just want it to hurry up and get here.....
I know what it is , Friday means Ghost Whisper and it's closer to Saturday the one day of the week I don't have to get up early and fight to get a teenager out of bed and to school....Meh I forgot this Saturday I have to do that anyway to get her to the Doctors.
No we still haven't gotten the specialist appointment but she's still having pain off and on...It's getting tiring, because we don't know what it is, and Tessa either doesn't want to go to school or she phone to come home, and I have to be a hard ass and not let her because she can't miss any more, and she is mad at me all the time because she thinks I don't believe her.
OOOOH!
The brat!
She just admitted that she makes a bigger deal out of it during the week because she thinks if she causes enough problems I will agree to home schooling....not going to happen. Not that I think it's a bad thing I just don't think it would good for her.
But I will look into work to learn for her.
Anything to get her back into the flow of things.
Have a Good day all
Cindy 1月22日 Two Hours and....Two changes of clothes later, the attempt to get anywhere other than half a block from my complex as failed and failed horribly!
Yeah Tessa told me the sidewalks were clear but what she neglected to say that they only clear in PATCHES! ARRRRGGGG!
SO of course I try anyway...stupid, stupid...I go to step over a patch of ice, don't quite make and end up on my butt....OUCH! And a little shame faced because watching me try and get myself up with out anything to hold onto is not a pretty sight, I do it and trudge back home and change, muttering and swearing a blue streak, and plotting my revenge on every home owner on my block who didn't clear the walk in front of thier house.
I go out again and try another path, this one looked promising....until about half way up....Danm!
Okay so there is one more way I can go, again I encouter big frikken PATCHES...Again I double back and go home...All I wanted was to get to the store for sugar, but NOOOOOO! I can't do that!
Sometimes I really hate that my legs don't work right!
I'm going to take some pain meds and go to sleep for a bit.
Maybe I'll be in a better mood when I get up.
Cindy
It Rained....Pretty steady last night and it looks like I can get out for a nice long walk today, doesn't matter that it's still raining, I'm not made of sugar I won't melt..lol!
You would think being stuck in the house all this time I would have been motivated to do some of the closet cleaning that needs to be done (and as for a long time.) I wasn't.
But now that I can get out I'm in a cleaning mood.....
Going for that walk first though......
Don't come looking for me
 I will be out for a good while, I will be back to tell you of my travels....Yeah the whole 4 blocks worth!......LOL!Later Peoples! 1月21日 Waiting....For the sidewalks to clear still and again since our last blast of snow.
All I want is to go for a walk!
Doing laps around the house isn't cutting it....
Anyway enough whining....for now.
So I'm not the "Cool Mom" anymore...LOL! Because I won't let Tessa go to a all night boy/girl party, well actually she can go to the party but she can't stay the night curfew will be strictly enforced!.....
 Her and her best friend have tried the " Well if Kay is allowed to can I?" thing, really too cute...Tessa forgets that I know her best friend's Dad is not only a single Father raising 2 girls he is also a cop....So yeah Kay won't be allowed either...hehehe! I love it!
Tessa forgets I remember what it was like to be a teenager....And it's not her I don't trust. It's the boys and I've seen how they look at her,,,,,freaken little horn dogs!.......
 Be back later
Have a great Sunday!
To continue......
I was talking with a friend of mine about Tessa being mad at me about the party and he took her side, " Don't you remember Play Land?" (it's an amusment park.) And a topic for another time.
*PFFT* "Of course I do, THAT'S why she's not staying the whole night!"
1月20日 Saturday morning...Yes it's still dark out and I should be sleeping but I'm not.
Earlier tonight (when it was still Friday.) I watched Grey's Anatomy and bawled my eyes out!
It hit so close to home that I couldn't help it.
For those of you that watch the show you will know what I mean, sometimes a T.V. show just hits the right spot and it's like one of the writers was a fly on the wall at a certain time in your life....
The episode part of it anyway was so much like the last time I saw my Dad alive in the hospital.....it was hard to watch, but I did anyway....
One of the main character's father was in a coma after a operation to remove cancer (but they were unable to).
And it just happened to be the same cancer my Dad had, well anyway there was one scene in which the son was shaving and washing the Father's face and talking to him even though he (the father) couldn't respond, that scene was so touching to me because I remember doing the same sort of thing for my Dad...I didn't shave him but I did wash his face, and talked to him about everything and nothing.
My step-brother and I told him jokes, some of which were shall we say? A little off colour...LOL! And I know there were some people in the ICU waitingroom that thought we were insensitive but you had to know my Dad he would have prefered our laughter to silance.
His last words ~Rick Springfield ~ My father was too weak to parry the blade As death's scythe swept through the house one night When we were busy doing other things Dust filled his mouth and stopped his breath And darkness took his soul in this familiar place His body, wasted by the sickness His spirit weary from the battle He spoke to me, forever his son Of all things save death: I longed to face it with him But seeing his fear I feared to speak of it And though we both saw death's dark irresistible form In the far corner We talked instead of evening shadows On bedroom walls And so it went There were no proud and profound last words No bright ringing final moment of clarity He just died We kissed his still warm face And promised forever The cold wind blew through the trees in my father's yard And I looked for meaning 1月18日 Temple Caves.....Don't ask about the title....
Going on with life or the lack there of , not knowing the moments that change how other people see you, or being afraid to say you are hurt by someones actions for fear of.....What?
Losing a friendship?
Rocking the boat?
Giving up power?
Or simply just change?
Discuss amongst yourselves
I'll just be over here contemplating the meaning of life....... They lied....They promised rain......But they lied!
BASTARDS!
And there were Snow plows on the streets of Malibu....WTF! is with THAT!
 1月17日 Getting ready for another 1000 hits....Because I am going to wax lyrical about Rick Springfield again....(And every time I do that I get A LOT of hits on my site from searches.) with this one I will go over 10,000 for sure!
Okay maybe I won't wax lyrical but I will be telling you my opinion of the "Live In Rockford" DVD I got the other day, I have watched it a few times since then and the only bad thing I can say about it, is that it's not long enough!
I said the first night I got it, it was like being in the front row....well it's close but not quite....I have heard every song that is played over and over again (all except one), but nothing beats hearing them live.
The one that is a first for me is his version of Red House...I don't know who it's by originally but I do believe it's a blues classic.
Anyway he (RS) does this wicked guitar solo at the beginning of the song that I can watch over and over again!
Honesty there is NOTHING better then listening to a well played guitar, and it is always inspiring to watch someone doing something they love, and watching this solo you can see him lose himself in the music....gives me shivers every time I watch it....<happy sigh>
It also was nice to see again (although it was MUCH nicer when I saw it in person and I can't wait to do it again.) his interaction with the fans, he truly loves his fans and we truly love him!
Well that's it for now.
Be Well
 Cindy
As you can see I have added video to my page here, if it causes any problems let me know would ya...
enjoy the clip
(It's not from the DVD I got, but it's still really good) 1月16日 Here I am again...Well the anti-depressent part of the pills I'm taking is starting to kick in....I think.
Sort of feeling a little like a zombie...
A zombie with a wicked head ache, dry mouth and a rolling stomach, no wonder people usually fail at thier first attempt to quit...Don't worry I'm still working at it, as soon as I can I will go to my Doc and see if I can just stop the pills or if I have to be weened off them, then the next step will be the patch...
This thing will NOT beat me, if the patch doesn't work, I will just have to lock myself away some where....hmm maybe not, being stuck in side isn't helping matters as it is.
Hopfully I can get out soon because going for walks was helping before...
<Big Sigh> 1月15日 GRRRRR!MORE FRIKKIN SNOW!
Calling for 5 to 10 cm over night.
Damn it anyway....
I have mentioned before I HATE snow....This really puts a kink in my slinky....
Didn't you just hate it when that happened when you were a kid? It always seemed to happen with in the first hour that you got it..well it did with me anyway....
Oh sorry, went off topic a little there, where was I....Yeah Okay so we all know I hate snow, and no I don't have anything else to talk about, well I do but certain people get all touchy and send me long nasty e-mails and although they are good for a laugh I'm not in the mood to deal with other people's vanities and insecurities at the moment I'm having enough trouble dealing with my own thank you very much!
I really want it to rain, Sorry Diane but it's true because that is the only way all this ice will go away, it wouldn't be such a problem if people would just do what they are supposed to do and clear their walks, but very few people do it around here at least.
The biggest bee in my bonnet at the moment is my co-op, the driveway and common road ways are just a sheet of ice I can't even go and get my mail! I have complained to the board but nothing (of course) is being done about it.
I thought when this new board was voted in things would get a little better around here....But no that's not the case, if it doesn't affect or bother them too much it's not worth fixing, you see every person on the board drives so they just drive to the mailboxes, thus packing the the snow, ice and slush down harder.....
GRRRRRR!
You know people really suck sometimes.
Okay whatever that's what the world is today, so I might as well get used to it right?
I mean really there is only so much I can do, so I will just keep doing what I'm doing and try not to let the thoughtlessness of a few destroy the little faith I have left in human kind.
11:41 pm
Today has been a long day and it doesn't look like it's going to end for me anytime soon, I of course am not complaining about the lack of sleep I'm too used to it to complain about it.
My sister called today and said "Oh good you are home!"
I said "Have you looked at the sidewalks, of course I am home, do thinnk I'm going anywhere soon?"
She says "Well you know you could if you just tried....."
I said "Lorna we've gone over this time and again, I won't do it this time, other than to say if you honestly think I choose to be house bound then you really don't know me at all."
Sometimes I really don't like my sister.
On a brighter note, doing really well not smoking I even had a little less gum today. 1月14日 Just playingI just thought I would try playing with Live writer again, everytime I try to put a piture in a post it seems to disappear, so I would try again... Me and Tessa
Not the best pics but not bad considering they were taken by a relitivly cheap web cam... :) Ok so you people can't see the pics in the entry, but if you look at the photo album they are #s 36 to 38, I don't know why it won't work ...
1月13日 I Don't know...Current mood:
 curious How I'm going to write this without sounding self pitying or like I'm fishing for a boost to the ego....
Meh I don't.
So I'm just going to write. Just keep in mind I'm NOT fishing for ego boosts or attention, I just have something on my mind that I'm trying to work out.
Honestly I've been trying to work this particular problem out for a long time.
As you know I have quit smoking and the guy I had just started to see had a problem with not smoking around me so I decided that may be it would be best to cut bait and let this guy go on his way. Now this is not an emotional thing for me, I hadn't really gotten attached to him romantically he was a nice guy but there was just something missing....Ya know?
The same must have been true for him because it didn't seem to bother him too much, which is good because no one gets hurt that way.
But....
That's not been the case in the past, and more often than not I've been the one hurt, picking up the pieces and wondering what the hell was wrong with me.
One question I have never been able to answer is:
Why the the men I choose to care for seem to think nothing of my feeling? And find it oh so easy to leave and and never look back or if they do it's just for sex?
What is it exactly I do that makes guys think it's okay to treat me like I don't have feelings? Just get what they want and move on.
I'm smart and understand, (pretty well) how the human animal works, but I just can't figure out why I've never had a real relationship.
The closest I've ever come to that is with my ex and even though it was long lasting, it really was nothing more then two good friends that slept together once or twice a week....A little too much infomation maybe, but true.
Well I've thought about this over and over and still I have no answers...
I guess I should just accept the fact that I'm meant to live my life alone.
Good thing I like my own company eh?
Good night.
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