Eye operation Feb 20. Mother has pmonia (yeah I know I spelled it wrong) in her left lung. She drove herself to the hospital yesterday...She has meds and is OK.

Some COMPUTER time...

All I want is to pick up the phone and talk to someone...But I can't. The 2 people I really want to talk to are in their own worlds of pain. And part of my pain is that I can't help them.

We finally had Tessa's b-day dinner...Well lunch. 4 of her friends came including her boyfriend...I don't think I like him too much yet. April and Ken came, didn't stay long...They left I started to cry, not so the kids could see me but I did. She is fading and it is so hard to watch. Anyway we still had a nice time.

I am really missing my computer. I have so much I need to get off my chest.

Computer is down again. Computer guy said not to put any more money into it (not that I could if I wanted too.) And just get a new one...um yeah not gonna happen. Anyway. I will post here when I can. I can't post or comment on BLOGGER but I can read SOME BLOGGER sites from my phone...I will keep in touch as best as I can.

Hit: This evening I was told that I no longer had my little side job of getting "Brat boy" to and from school and helping him get his homework done...it didn't pay much but with losing the main job earlier this month, losing this one too, just makes it worse.

Fix: With the help of physio and the chiropractor, I hope to be able to get out and job, at least a couple of shifts a week.

Hit: Rick just found out his Dad has cancer...Didn't tell me what kind or how bad, just that he has it.

Fix: Just be there and do what I can....If anything

Hit: Rick has until this Friday to decide to take a job in the Dominion Republic (building a resort.) that will take him away for 2 that's TWO years...And if they will pay the wage he wants he'll take it, in a heartbeat...

Fix: One, hope he doesn't get it. (Hey, I need him here, selfish I know but there it is.) Two, hope he gets enough money to make it worth it and hope that the company will fly me out at least once.

Push: Tomorrow morning I'm going to go to the hospital with April and sit with her while she has a blood transfusion.

Done: Did it and her colour is better.

Gee, I guess I don't have to wonder where all these bruises came from, now do I?

The only GOOD news I had today is that I don't need surgery for my back...Just the chiropractor and physio.

Hit: This evening I was told that I no longer had my little side job of getting "Brat boy" to and from school and helping him get his homework done...it didn't pay much but with losing the main job earlier this month, losing this one too, just makes it worse.

Hit: Rick just found out his Dad has cancer...Didn't tell me what kind or how bad, just that he has it.

Hit: Rick has until this Friday to decide to take a job in the Dominion Republic (building a resort.) that will take him away for 2 that's TWO years...And if they will pay the wage he wants he'll take it, in a heartbeat...

Push: Tomorrow morning I'm going to go to the hospital with April and sit with her while she has a blood transfusion.

Gee, I guess I don't have to wonder where all these bruises came from, now do I?

The only GOOD news I had today is that I don't need surgery for my back...Just the chiropractor and physio.

Was very enjoyable...
I LOVED having them here and can't wait for them to come up again...with more Rah, rahs. (and junior rah, rahs)...And you can bet your ass I'm going to be there for THAT border crossing, no way am I going to miss out on that..(LMAO!) Mo, I know it's not funny....But well....COME ON! Only you my dear friend...Only you....LOVE YOU!
I will blog more about the whole weekend later...I think I have what Tessa has...don't feel too well, but I'm sure after a short nap..I'll have lots to say.

Today was not a good day....
Rick called me and told me his ex brother in-law (and his middle nieces father). Has passed away, it appears that he just laid down on his sofa to watch T.V. and that is where they (the police) found him a week later...It took a whole week before the neighbours said anything, then it was only to complain about the smell....Rick was also told yesterday that another long time friend passed away, this one was an older gentle man that had been quite sick in the past month...
As we were talking he said, "I'm just waiting for the 3rd.... Please don't call me in the next few days, with bad news.... Please just don't." I lost it then because we all know he was talking about April....And the last couple of times I have talked to her she didn't sound very good..She's shaky and nervous and she's coughing like she did when her lungs filled with fluid......I'm trying to prepare myself for what's coming....But I can't. Every time the phone rings now I feel sick to my stomach and I feel like I'm going to shatter...

So I'm trying to get my house company ready....Not easy....With out help....Yes I'm complaining about my kid...Everything I ask her to do is answered with "Tomorrow, I'll do it tomorrow.." Well we are quickly running out of tomorrows and there is still so much to do... And I want things as nice as I can get this shack.

My Mother came by and took me to the store...
I was able to see better JUST how stuck I still was, it's not too bad, there are still places I won't be able to go just yet but for the most part I can do what I need to do, I just have to walk on the road for about 10 feet or so in a couple of places...So if I'm careful it's all good.

I'm still stuck with in my complex....Big, wide, thick patches of ice I can't get past still dot the sidewalks. I can check my mail but that's it.I'm so DONE with this....just fucking DONE.

Last week my gliding rocking chair broke....It was the only place other than my computer chair I could sit comfortably....My love seat and sofa are too soft.
I was talking to April and told her this because the same was true for her, And she tells me about this chair she sat in at Home*Depot when she called me during her panic attack there...She said it was just the best chair and she was going to make her hubby buy it for me and Oh BTW it's 300.00! THREE HUNDRED DOLLARS!!!!
I told her NO WAY! I just lost my good paying job and there was no way I could even make payments on that. When ever I have needed something that required a credit card they have always allowed me to use theirs and I just pay it off in payments, well now that's just not possible.
What does she do? She goes out and buys me a chair anyway! And yesterday her and her hubby stop by with this really nice chair.....I was kind of ticked because I told her not to do it...Her hubby told me not to be too mad because he got a good deal and the chair HE picked out was half the price...He had tried out the one she had wanted to get and had a hard time getting out of it, so he figured it would all the harder for me, he liked the one they got me so much he bought one for himself...LOL! Not that they can afford it either...But both houses need something that April can rest in comfortably for long periods of time, because weather we want to face it or not, the time is coming that hubby is going to have to go to work and April won't be able to be alone.
Around the same time they came over, Rick showed up to set up my dryer...He sat in the new chair and decided when he left he was going to buy himself one, well he would if he didn't find a good deal at the Lazy*boy store...He likes his vibrating recliners....A LOT.
Last night I was able to wash AND dry 3 loads of laundry.....I haven't been able to do that since I moved in here, this new (to me) dryer is a DREAM!

Well that's all I got for today....

Later.

Why am I up at 4:40am?
Because at around 6pm I couldn't stand myself any more and went to take a nap, I had only planned on sleeping for an hour or so...Nope I slept until 3am. I slept through my alarm and Tessa coming in and turning off my alarm. When I woke my hands were clenched into fists and up like I was shaking someone....Yeah I guess you can say I'm a little stressed...I got up and came out here and played "peel a meal" and "Egg Breaker" on Face Book, I'm addicted to both games, and checked my friends blogs...Now I'm here typing.

We got more snow yesterday...Now it's even more of a slushy, slippery mess out there....If the sidewalks and roads were clear I'd be taking the dog for a walk right now.

I had tried to take a nap earlier in the day but every time I was just drifting off the phone would ring....Yeah, yeah I know what you are all saying, "Turn the phone OFF!" Can't. For one thing I have to be available for April and for two I was waiting for Rick to call so he could come over and hook up my new dryer....He'll be doing that later today...He's the one that told me to go for a nap at 6...In 25 years he has ever only called me bitchy twice....Once was in the recovery room after an operation and last night on the phone...When he remarked on that I said, "Are you new? I get bitchy all the time!" He said, "No, you get frustrated, cranky and down right pushy sometimes, but you are not what I would call bitchy...Except right now, go to bed." I said, "Don't tell me what to do!" I think he was laughing as he hung up (bastard!)

I can't wait for my dryer to be hooked up, a part was needed and I had to wait for Rick to get it for me...For the longest time I've only been doing only what we needed because my old dryer took FOREVER to dry things, so things have piled up...I don't know how but they have....I think it will take me about 2 to 3 days to go through everything, but once that's done it will be so much easier to stay caught up.

This is all that I wrote down on paper while I was with out my life line....

Jan 1, 2009.
My computer has a nasty virus, I don't know when I will be able to get it fixed...
It sucks being stuck in because of the snow, we got more of it last night and more is coming. I looked at Rick and Tessa last night and said "I'm never getting out of this house without help am I?
IT'S DRIVING ME CRAZY!

As I was saying it's bad enough being stuck but, now my computer is dead....Great just FUCKING great!
I knew 09 was going to be a rough year with April and all but does there have to be so many crappy little things to go along with that one big horrible thing?
In 09 I know there will be some good things happen but they are already over shadowed with grief.
Every time I looked at April last night I saw it. I saw it in the bones of her face that only last week I couldn't see. I saw it in the skin hanging off her body that the bulky sweaters and baggy clothes can't hide, I hear it in every panicked phone call. She has called me to talk her down and at the end of the call she says, "Thank you for picking up." Like it's some big sacrifice for me..WHAT. EVER. I maybe afraid to pick up some times but I always will.

Jan 2, 2009
I have been on the phone all morning trying to get my computer fixed or rather trying to get a ride to my computer guy, not that I can really afford with Tessa's birthday on Monday and all, but like everything else I will find a way to make it work, it's just made all the harder by having to depend on someone else to do some thing as simple as going two blocks to the grocery store or the computer place. It just pisses me off! And on top of all that Tessa has taken off to my mother's for the weekend, I really shouldn't have let her go but I actually need a break from the hormones and attitude are really wearing on me.
It's funny I have rarely been alone in the last few months but I've never felt more alone.

Jan 4, 2009.
We got another dumping of snow yesterday and last night. They are calling for quite a bit of rain but I will most likely be stuck in for another two weeks, because the snow is so thick packed.
My Mother came and took my computer in I will hopefully get it back Wednesday. Yesterday afternoon I had to do a puppy watch that just about did me in...It appeared that she had bitten a battery, and no one and I mean NO ONE could drive us to the vet because of the road conditions as I was putting on my boots and trying to figure out a way to walk there with out killing us both my nieghbour came by and had a really good look at her (the dog) that was at 3pm (yesterday) and as it stands right now (2pm the next day) the dog is fine being the playful piggy pug she is....GOD if it's not one thing it's another! I NEED A BREAK!
Tessa finally came home.....PMS! Really she should have stayed at my mother's. Earlier she walked in to pick up her gift cards and the computer tower, she didn't say a word to me and had the sourest look on her face. (sigh)

They said it would rain...It Snowed AGAIN! I am still using my phone so my post will be short and I can't post to blogger... HAPPY BIRTHDAY! To Tessa: Love you my girl! And a very happy birthday to Mo as well.

Jan 6, 2009.
My sister came with my new dryer today, it's great or will be as soon as I get one small part.
Then because she was already going to the dump she said, "They charge a minimum anyway so we might as well take a full load anyway." So I went around and pointed to things I wanted gone and she and Tessa loaded it onto the truck. My house is so open now, and when Tessa's bed comes we are going to do the same thing. By the end of this month I may have my extra room back.

Jan 7, 2009.
Went out with April and then I cleaned a bit more.

I am back on line...It is VERY basic, I can't have any kind og messenger except the one on Face Book so leave me a note here, there, or on Spaces and I will get back to you....

If this had voice you'd hear the sarcasim dripping. The sidewalks are still blocks of ice my area didnt get nearly as much rain as others, I still dont have my computer and I am now jobless.... No notice, nothing. I will say more about it when I get my computer back.