I've been up since 4 am......I am not happy.......

 

Because I have to go to Wal hell with my Mother, she said we will go after she gets her nails done. but she won't tell me when that is....So I can't have a nap......I need a nap!

 

 

 Click to see: Smile of the Day

Yesterday was a hard day with April....in an odd way.

She has lost about 40 lb since the end of August and her skin has cleared up, she is looking better then she has in long time...But on the inside she is failing and failing in a big way....

It is cruel and twisted that she can look healthy, but be dyeing in such a painful way, even though she looks healthy she is in immeasurable pain, and nothing is helping it. She’s losing track of days and occasionally forgetting words or names of everyday objects. This could have nothing to do with the cancer; this could be her Anti depressants fluctuating again, but more then likely it’s too much pain meds (that aren’t helping.)

 

She is still up and doing things for herself but I don’t know how much longer she will be able to do so, she is also very stubborn and won’t let me help her as much as I should....All I can do right now is be there when she needs me....But like I’ve said before it just doesn’t seem like enough.

Her regular Oncologist is going to India for a month so she has a new one that has ordered new tests and x-rays...Is it unrealistic of me to hope that these new tests show improvement? Or that this new Doc sees a way to help more then the other one did?

 

Please keep her in your thoughts and prayers (if you are so inclined.)

Thankyou.

 

Well it's Friday.....Not the end of my week but close enough.

I'm in the mood to clean, clean and clean. But Tessa has yet another Pro-D Day and is sleeping on the couch...She has taken to sleeping there because I NEED to get her a new bed...I have priced them out and it will have to wait until the new year.

Anyway I want to clean but I want her to sleep because she is finally starting to kick this nasty cold she's had for almost 3 weeks...I had the same cold for most of October I know it has kicked her butt harder then it did mine, she still went to school then she would have last year if the same thing happened. (and it did.) So I'm going to wait until she wakes up and then I'm going to start, then we are going to pull out the Christmas decorations. I'm not going to put them up yet since I don't take them down until after her birthday I still have almost a week before the kids start bugging me about it.

I tried to talk to the 12 year old's Mother....Yeah, like I thought she is in denial....The 12 year old told me that he won't bring his homework here any more because I make him redo it too much. I told him that he better get it done in class then and if I find out he isn't I will just get the work straight from his teacher and for every time he doesn't bring his work home he will have to write a 200 word essay for me on the subject of my choosing.....He looked at me and said, " Why can't you just ignor us like our other babysitters did?".......

I said, "Because I can't, I don't work that way."

He went and sat down with his book.

I know he didn't read one single word because he was too busy plotting my death..I let it slide because I know he will thank me when he's older...It's happened before.

I don’t get a lot of things but this is what’s bugging me at the moment....

The 12 year old I look after is in grade 7, he should not be there! It’s not that he’s not smart enough; it’s that he got put in to a box early on and figured out real quick that if he played dumb he got away with doing little to no work and got praised for it.

It drives me crazy to look at his work and see grade 3 or 4 when he is in grade 7, and they are going to just pass him onto grade 8 (High School.)

His printing is barely legible, he can’t cursive write.

When I make him redo his work he gets mad at me and says, “My teacher doesn’t mind if I’m messy.”

And then there was tonight when I made him write sentences with his spelling words, it became very clear that he is either not paying attention in class and not being made to, or he was trying to pull a fast one on me...

This is just an example:

One of his words was “Omitted” he asked what it meant I told him....

His sentence?

“I omitted a jar on the kitchen counter.”

Okay I sort of get where he was coming from because I did say “It means to be left out or forgotten...I should have said a piece of information was left out or forgotten..... My bad.

My concern is that he has had these words for two days and he didn’t know at all.

I don’t get the him on Mondays and Tuesdays so I don’t know what he does for studying....erm I guess I do know, he DOESN’T do it.

I know if I confront the Mother about it she will just say, “Oh he does it for me no problem...”

Yeah, OK he just likes to play dumb for my amusement. What. Ever.

The other Mother is just as bad if not worse, like I said, if I could quit I would.

 

 

Hmmm,

It seems I’m not panicking over Christmas as I usually do, and believe me when I say I have a lot more to worry about this year then I ever have before.

 

My general “Open Door” Christmas Eve (where anyone we know is welcome to come in for goodies and glad tidings and if I’m in my jammies wrapping last minute gifts then so be it, grab a drink, tape and a pair of scissors and lend a hand. No fuss, no muss.)

 

This year, and I have no idea how, it has turned into a REAL OPEN HOUSE.

I don’t know how I’m gong to get it all done. My house has slid into a state of disaster I call “livable/kid safe.” Because of illness and injury, it is NO WHERE “Company clean” let alone “Mother coming to visit” clean, which it will need to be....

 

When I look at my list of things to get done over the next month, I shudder and just want to crawl under my covers and sleep until March.

 

Honestly I’m not panicking.....I’m just resigned to do what I have to do and get it done.

 

I hope everyone is having a good week so far.

And BIG ((((HUGS))) to those who aren’t.

 

I’m off to get a good nights sleep before the battle begins.

Hello,

I'm sitting here drinking a cup of coffee and waiting for the boys to show up....No Sunday off for me this week.

I was hoping to sleep in this morning but, Tessa decided that she was going to be domestic and cleaned the kitchen and bathroom (VERY loudly) as soon as she woke up....She is now destroying the kitchen again as she makes butter tarts and strawberry- rhubarb pie, she is a lot braver then I, because she made the pastry from scratch! And it looks really good. It looks like she got the baking gene I lack.

So today will be a good day, clean bathroom and kitchen. AND fresh baked goods?

Yup, I say that makes for a good day.

 It's kind of cool outside, 8 C/46 F.

So having the oven on and cranking out heat and yummy smells is very welcome.

 

 

Today was “treat day”, it was kind of short because April was late as usual.... Seriously this girl gives literal meaning to the saying “Can’t be on time to save her life.” Because she has yet to be on time for any of her radiation treatments...Yeah we both found that darkly funny, yup it’s kind of twisted but if we don’t laugh we cry and that does no good.

We went to lunch, then the drug store.

Even on a day that we TRY to not make it ALL about Doctors, hospitals, treatments and pills, it ends up that way.....Have I mentioned lately that cancer SUCKS MONKEY A$$! No? Well it does. 

Then I came home and had to deal with the fall out from a school that has NO FRICKEN CLUE how to teach “normal” kids let alone special needs kids, as well as parents that think education and discipline issues are up to the school and childcare provider and not them.....I am so frustrated that I want nothing more then to quit!

But I can’t.

That also SUCKS MONKEY A$$.

And it feels like Monday.....BLAH!

I was talking with Rick last night, he has to find a new place to live. The place he is renting is being sold, I would love it if he put an offer on it because we both LOVE it, (even if the counter tops are so high I need to stand on phonebooks to wash dishes.) But with it looking like he will have to find a new job as well, buying a house right now might not be too smart. I'm more worried about him finding a place to live than I am him finding work, if it comes down to it and the company shuts down he will be out of work for about a minute.....To be honest I don't know why he's stuck with this company for as long as he has. But whatever that's his choice not mine.

 

Tomorrow, I will be taking April out for her "treat day". With treatments and the extreme diet she is on she really needs to have a day every week or so where she can have and do whatever she wants.

That usually means trying out new ethnic foods for lunch, and going to the book store, but I think we are going to stick to her favorite foods for the next few treat days because chemo is coming up and one of the hardest things for her last time she went through chemo is that she lost the ability to taste anything....And that could very well happen again.

I have to tell you this round of chemo coming up scares the hell out of me, last time was rough.....I have a feeling this time is going to be even rougher.

The hardest part for me is there isn't a whole lot I can do to make it easier for her.

Anyway...

We are going to have some fun tomorrow and try not to think about that....Easier said then done but worth a shot right?

 

I hope everyone is having a relaxing Sunday, mine is going OK.

I have started on some chores, but I have just realized that I need a new mop so after I have a cup of coffee and put this post up I will continue with a little more cleaning then I will go and get a new mop.....What an exciting life I lead!....LOL!

I might be getting the boys later, I don’t know yet, it would be nice to have a Sunday off even if I’m spending it cleaning, it would be nice not to trip over kids as I do it. Yes I know I could get them to help....Sometimes it’s just easier to do it myself.

There are 2 new pictures up, they are of the bracelet April bought me, she also bought one for Tessa and herself. Tessa’s is black and April’s is bronze.

 

Enjoy your day.

Hi, it’s Saturday, and I have TONS to do and no energy to do it....And it hit me like a ton of bricks (at about 3 am) I HAVE TO START CHRISTMAS SHOPPING!!!!!!! ARRRRRRRGGGG! I’m afraid...very afraid *whimper*

Time to make lists, check them twice, check them 3 or 4 more times forget a whole bunch until the last minute. The last minute being an hour before the stores close Christmas Eve....

I’m really going to try and not stress this year.....Stop laughing! I said TRY. LOL!

Have a great day all.

WOW! Do I have such a head ache, I actually don’t get head aches very often....But I have one now!

I stayed up really late last night watching “Momma Mia.'

I loved the movie, then again I have always loved a good musical....Anyone who really knows me always finds that kind of strange, apparently I don’t come across as a musical type of person. Oh well!

Lately I have not been able to watch a movie that as anything to do with life long friendships or coming of age without tearing up or out right bawling.

Last night at 3 in the morning I was sitting watching this movie and I was just a sniveling, blubbering mess!

The story and the music killed me....

Maybe I needed the cleansing of a good body racking cry...But MAN! I tell ya, the head ache I went to sleep with and still have, is NASTY.

Maybe I should just stick to Action flicks whatta think?

Oh! Here’s a good blog friends question:

What movie or movies make you cry?

 

 

 

 

Today I had a bit of a scare, in the  last couple of months I’ve had a new reader to my blog...This is all well and good, I don’t mind new people reading my space or even having a friendly chat with them once in awhile, but this person crossed a line...
This person looked up my phone number to find out the area I live, (to be honest I’m surprised this hasn’t happened before, If you know what you are doing it’s not hard to find information on the net.)

Anyway, I talked with this person about this and told them I wasn’t comfortable, but at this point I didn’t feel too uneasy and continued to have a couple (2 or 3 at most) of IM conversations with them, nothing too friendly or personal....

Well that was until earlier today.....

That was when this person started saying. “I will be there at 1 to pick you up.” And that we had agreed to meet today....No we had not. And no matter what I said, this person insisted that we had agreed and would not take no for an answer, finally I just blocked them; I also told them that if they tried to contact me again in anyway I would call the police, and I will. Hopefully this person respects my wishes and leaves me alone.

I think I’m pretty lucky after being public on spaces for almost 3 years I have only this one unpleasant incident, and I can tell you I will be A LOT more cautious from now on.

 

 (Hugs) too you all!

  

  

Stolen from Mo, who stole it from Donna.....

 

Tessa's Survey

What is something I always say to you?

 Do your chores! (I wouldn’t say it so much, if she did them.)

What makes me happy?

Listening to and watching Rick Springfield (Yup!)

What makes me sad?

Not being able to see Rick Springfield live any time soon (grrrr)

How do I make you laugh?

When you tell stories about the funny things I said or did when I was little, and YOU can’t stop laughing. (Oh yeah! I can hardly get the stories out sometimes.. The kid cracks me up!)

What was I like as a child?

Quiet (yeah I was, still kinda am)

How old am I?

OLD! (The kid knows... Hell EVERYONE knows! I have a t-shirt that says it. SHEESH!)

How tall am I?

Gnome tall (5’ 2” close enough)

What's my favorite thing to do?

Listen to and watch Rick Springfield

What do I do when you're not around?

 Listen to and watch Rick Springfield 

If I became famous, what would it be for? 

Kidnapping Rick Springfield and taking him away to a deserted island. (Naw! I would never do such a thing!!!...Now where did I put those handcuffs?)

What am I really good at doing?

Making Danny cry with your creepy eye..LOL! ( BRAT!)

What am I not very good at doing?

Putting up with stupid people... (Erm yeah, stupid people bug me)

What is my job?

Nanny

What's my favorite food?

Japanese or Mexican, but only in California. (Yeah because the Mexican food here sucks!)  

What makes you proud of me?

That no matter how much you hurt you still get up and do what you need to do...(Aww)

If I were a cartoon character, who would I be? 

Betty Boop... (????)

What do you and I do together?

Watch T.V.  (and talk)

How are we the same?

We both have brown eyes (yup and short tempers)

How are we different?

I have straight hair, you don’t (she’s lucky she didn’t mention the grey)

How do you know I love you?

You’re my Mom you have too, it’s the law...( yeah pretty much, J )

 

I have been up since 5 AM......Shoot me now!

Oh well I guess that's what I get for going to bed before 8 last night right?

I will have the boys all day and most of the night tonight....I know she needs to work but she REALLY needs to spend more time with these boys, I can only do so much ...I mean when your 12 year old sets an alarm just so he can wake up at 2 in the morning to spend a few minutes with you while you get ready for bed maybe just maybe you should reconsider going to the pub with your friends on at least one of your nights off.

Am I wrong  in thinking this? No I don't think so.

It's gotten to the point that if she's not working I won't watch the boys, yeah it cuts the extra money off but somethings are more important.

Last night I watched Ghost Whisper (thanks to cable I was able to watch it at 5 instead of 8.)

I BAWLED my eyes out, I threw things at the T.V. Called my Mum and Tessa and told them to have the tissues handy...

They killed Jim  off ....The BASTARDS!  Not fair. Don't like it.

Mind you it's not hard to make me cry these days.

I am  felling very fragile these day.....Now that's a word I would never have thought in a million years I would have used to describe myself before now, stressed, emotional, yeah those fit....Never fragile. But now? I feel very breakable. Like whatever strength I had is gone....It's not a good feeling.

I finally figured out how to put pictures from my phone on here....YAY!

They aren't the best but they work.

 

Oh. Just so you know,

THERE WILL BE NO NEW PICS OF ME UNTIL THIS CREEPY EYE STOPS LOOKING CREEPY.