Cindy 的个人资料Cindy's space照片日志列表更多  |  工具 帮助 |
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8月28日 WorriedI have been checking someone's space on a pretty regular basis for sometime now, I have stopped leaving comments and trying to talk to this person. I was so angry after he questioned my integrity I stopped trying to save something that wasn't worth saving in the first place but I foolishly wanted so badly.He hasn't posted in a month. I'm actually starting to worry about him....I don't want to think about him let alone worry about him! But I am and I don't know how to stop. Is it because I still want him? Sometimes I do. Other times.... Not so much. Right now I just want to know that he's alright. Sadly unless he posts, or reads this I may never know, because I know a comment or e-mail from me is not welcome and will not be acknowledged. I wonder if I will ever stop thinking about him....... Right or wrong... "R" I truly hope that you are okay. I wrote most of this yesterday, and after having time to look at it and kick myself a few times for still caring about this person who had no thought or care for my feelings and thought that it was just fine and dandy to use me and take advantage of my caring nature.... Yeah that ticks me off, but because of who I am and the way I'm wired I'm still worried about the jack-ass! Have a great day all! I'm going to take my frustrations out by washing the floor the old fashioned way, with a scrub brush and pail.... Anyone call me Cinderella....and I won't be responsible for my actions!.....LOL! Cindy 8月27日 Between Pop-Ups and Shut Downs...I will try to get a blog in....
My brother forgot to come and get my computer, but he said he will try tomorrow.
I have been checking in on my blogland friends, but I have not been able to leave comments....
Computer problems SUCK!!!! I can't wait for this thing to get fixed, if it's not soon I just might take a sledge hammer to it!
Thanks to everyone for stopping by, and your kind comments I really miss you guys!
And I hate that I can't use my messenger, I miss being able to talk to my friends.
This week has been tiring and stressful, I told the mother of the 2 boys that I needed some time to myself, when I first asked for this time off ( over a month ago) I asked for 5 days, and everything was ok, 5 days no problem.
But...
as the time got closer she, (the mother) started whining about how hard it was to get the boys to the other sitter and that the other sitter was charging too much, blah, blah!
First off the other sitter is charging the standard rate, not everyone is as nice or should I say softhearted and stupid as I am, and second the other sitter is the boys GRANDMOTHER! She won't watch them for free, like Grandmas should, but to each thier own I guess.
Anyway, me being the fool that I am I said that I would cut my 5 days down to 2 days...<SIGH!> So taking 2 days will give me 3 days in a row off because I don't work Sundays anyway.
I have made the decision that I will give her one months notice at the end of this month, I just can't do it anymore...
I'm just going to take kids on a very part time basis now. I need the time to get my physical health back on track so maybe I can get a job outside the home for a few hours a day.
So I can be part of the world again.
My daughter is having a really good time in Prince George, they left Friday and will be back on Wednesday.
Then 6 days later school starts...YIPPEE!
I hope everyone is doing well, and I will be able to chat and comment very soon!
Hugs
Cindy 8月22日 Be back Saturday evening hopfullyPut a call into my brother, he will be taking my computer in on saturday and if all goes well I will have it back by the evening, and it will stop shutting down on me and I will have sound!
I like that, so I can hear all the songs people are playing on their spaces.
See you all then!
HUGS
Cindy 8月20日 SundayThe Fair was alright, we ended up having good time after having a bit of early morning drama, that was made worse by the over reaction of the stepfather/husband of the family we went with. I agreed with most of what he said and was willing to let most of what he said and did go, because all 3 kids (mine included) needed a bit of a wake up call. But.... He went too far when he had all them in tears and made a couple of comments about my lack of parenting skills because I give my daughter some freedom and let her go to the mall with her friends. He he even went so far as to tell MY child that she should listen to HIM and not me while we were at the Fair because he knew better, and he would keep her safe. WELL!!! I stood up and I guess his wife realised if she didn't shut him up I was going to smack him upside the head with my cane.... I resisted the urge and calmly informed him that I believe that the kids got the point and that I for one would like to get on with the day. My daughter had told me before I met him that he liked to use his size, loud voice, and ex-milatary training to intimdate people, it didn't work on me. Remember I have a lot of big brothers just as big and bigger then him, I found it laughable, and even a little sad.... Anyway, after that was settled and we made the kids perform "I'm a Little Tea pot." as a bit of a punishment (embarrassment factor) and to lighten the mood a bit, we went on with the rides and shows. It was a long day, I have never been on opening day before, it was CRAZY! tons of people, and lots of things to see, the, motor cross bike trick show was good. We all went out for dinner and then went home I was soo tired but it was okay I had a good sleep.... I hope everyone has a good week. Cindy P.S.
It looks like I'm having computer problems, I'm going to try and get it into the shop.
I maybe out of touch for a little while.
Please if you stop by say hi and know I'm thinking about you all, and hope all is well with everyone!
Hugs all
Cindy 8月19日 Good Morning (a working title)We are off to the Fair today, it should be a lot of fun!
When I get back I will catch up on all my blogging rounds, I'm sorry I've been so hit and miss with my blog friends but I have the house and computer all to myself tonight so I will be able to have computer time without interruption.
See you all later!
Cindy 8月17日 4th time is the charm!I have tried to write this entry 3 times today but my computer is actting up, and I have lost it each time... So here I go again... I was trying to help the youngest boy do some of his school work he needs to have done before he goes back. He's not ready. He doesn't want to do the work for me, he even at one point told me to put him in the corner because he didn't want to work, and he wasn't going to no matter what I did. I tried making a game out of it, tried singing everything.. Finally after about a hour of going over the same thing, I had to walk away... My daughter took over and got the same results... I had him practice his printing for a while, and made dinner. Me being me, I wasn't about to let a 6 year old out stubborn me, so I gave it another shot. I didn't excpect him to READ the sentance to me I just wanted him to SAY it back to me without making a mistake. I pointed to the words and said them and he said them with me...but when I wanted him to say them on his own he couldn't or wouldn't. I'm not sure which. It was a simple sentance, "A is the first letter in the alphabet." I will be hearing that in my sleep! So for anther half a hour after dinner we did this again and again. He was having the hardest time saying "The" it came out "Va" I let that go, he can't say the "th" sound in any words. I know I had him say a couple of them. He also can't count past 10 the teens mess with his head. His Mother tells me he can do it, but I have yet to see him do it, without major amounts of coaching. At one point today, I said in frustration, " I know you can do it, your just being lazy..." He said back to me, "Yes I am, sometimes." I laughed so hard. I got him to say it once on his own, before I left for a meeting I had to go to, and left him with Tessa. I walked to the meeting, muttering to myself...I swear when I went to sign in I almost wrote "A is the first letter in the alphabet." instead of my name!...LOL! Take care all! Cindy 19 DaysAnd school starts!
YIPPEEE! YAHOO!.....(does a little happy dance....carefully....don't want to spill morning coffee...lol!)
Thankyou to everyone for your kind words and comments about my trip to the ER.
The pain is going away and with the help of antibiotics so will the lump. I hope, only been taking the pills for a day...
Have I mentioned before I HATE taking pills?
Well if I have sorry, but I really HATE them!
And these ones are sooo yucky tapioca doesn't even help!
I used the word "yucky".....
Oh boy!
Do I need to start hanging around adults!
In about a week my girl is leaving for Prince George, she will be gone for 8 days.
She has been away from home for that long before but never that far away without me or a family member....
It's funny. being a Nanny for as long as I've been I had parents put thier trust in me and never really given a second thought....
I've had some parents that call 3 and 4 times a day to check on me and the kids, and some that never call at all. Either way doesn't bother me....
But now I'm being asked to put the safety and care of my child in the hands of someone else and it's not like she's just a half hour or less away....She will be more than 8 hrs away!....
I don't like that, but I guess I have to let go a little....(whimper)
<sigh>
I know she will be alright...I just know I won't sleep until she gets home again.
So be forewarned there might be some very long blogs posted in the time she's gone....LOL!
Have a great day all!
Cindy
8月16日 Geeze do I feel like a wimp......Well earlier tonight my neck was sore, I rubbed the back of my neck to ease some of the tension. I felt an odd lump
just inside my hair line, to touch it, it was VERY tender and the pain radiated through out my neck and the side of my head.
Now normally I don't freak out about things but this was just too strange for me.
I tried to wait until the morning and go see my family Doctor, but I just couldn't, I wasn't feeling too well, headache, and my stomach was unsettled
I had my Mother take me to the ER....
Well I guess what I told them I was feeling and the fact I'm on blood thinners, got me in to the treatment room quite quickly, I was only there for about 2 hrs...
ER Doc said that it appears to be an inflamed hair follicle, thus the feeling like a wimp thing.
I am still going to my Doctor as soon as I can get in, even though the INR test said it wasn't a clot.
It's just a bit freaky to find a lump anywhere on your body....
Okay done whining now.
I hope everyone has a great day!
Cindy
8月15日 A boost from the starsScorpio:
Things are looking up for you today, dear Scorpio, and you will find that your emotions are much more in control than usual. You have an extra strong connection to nature, and your tender, nurturing side is shining through. Let people know that you are not the aggressive, stubborn person that many have come to think of you as being. Let them see the other side of you as well.
Happy Tuesday Cindy 8月14日 Happy Monday all!It looks like I will be losing 3 of the kids I look after come September, but I will be getting 2 maybe even 3 other ones not sure yet...I'll have to wait and see.
One boy I will be getting is hyper active but still a really good kid, and I will only have him for a couple of hours after school.
The nicest thing about this is the Mother has a clue!
She understands what I need from her and I understand what she needs from me...
She gets that I am the caregiver NOT a replacement parent, and that in my role as the caregiver I will care for the child to the best of my ability, but when the day is over that's where my involvement ends.
I know this might sound cold, but these other kids have drained me, and I need to get some of that back...
My daughter doesn't say anything but I know she feels, like the other kids take too much of me away from her, I have tried not to let this happen, but it has.
So now hopfully I can still work and be the Mother my girl needs.
After all there are only a few more short years left before she leaves the nest completely, and as she is planning and already working towards joining the Armed Forces. I want to make the most of them.
Geeze!
It is the strangest feeling to be so proud of her I could burst and scared to death for her at the same time!
No wonder I'm almost completly gray at my age!....LOL!
Have a great day!
Cindy 8月13日 On my day off......I spent the day in my bed reading a good book, and drinking a few really good cups of coffee.....ya know I make a REALLY good cup of coffee, it's strong, a little sweet and made smooth with just the right amount of real cream.
The book I'm reading has witches, fairies, pixies and vampires.
It's a nice escape....
Sorry I can't tell you more, I find it really hard to describe something I'm reading until I finish it, strange I know, but I never said I was normal, now did I?.....LOL!
Some days it is nice to just drop the real world and get lost in words....
weather it's on the page or in music.
Good night all
Cindy
Self indulgent prattleHere it is late Saturday night going into Sunday morning, I have just finished watching "The Fog", for a horror flick not too scary but enjoyable just the same.
The whole time I was watching this movie sitting alone on the sofa in my t.v. room, I was thinking how nice it would be to have someone to cuddle with....
You know, so I could do the silly girl thing and pretend I was scared so he would put his arm around me and all that silly stuff.
He wouldn't have to know I don't get scared easily, I mean, I laughed my butt off at the "Exorcist" and I was only 10 or so at the time.....
Yeah I'm a bit of a sick and twisted puppy....always have been, and I suspect I always will be...
(But I still won't let my daughter watch it!).
Anyway....
I wasn't thinking about just anyone, I had/have one person in mind....
I know in my logical brain I shouldn't be thinking of this person, but I can't help it, sometimes I just NEED to see them, the ache for what could have been is almost overwhelming....
In time I know these feelings will lessen, and after 5 months they have to a degree....
"But these miss you nights are the longest."
Good night
Cindy 8月11日 Friday AfternoonI was asked the other day if I was happy, my answer was "I am content."
And on that day I thought I was...
Today my answer would be "I don't know."
And the thing is I have no freaking clue what would make me content.
I can't think of anything really important that is missing in my life, I have a good life....
A small, boring life to some but a good one none the less....
So what is this disquiet I feel? Friday morningThe kids should be here in about 10 minutes...
It looks like it might just rain today..
*note to self*
Put lawn chairs under cover.
So that means I will have all 4 kids in the house...
With chants of 'I'm bored!, He's touching me!, Stop looking at me! He won't stop looking at me!"
Followed by, "Why is that line in your forehead dancing?" (re: vain throbbing, ready to explode).
I really can't wait for school to start!
But the funny thing is, after the first full week I will be so bored!
Well then I will be able to catch up on my reading, and boring you guys with long blogs about family get together s, and how proud I am of my daughter and all that fun stuff...
Along with school starting, it also means the start of family get together season in my family..
I have said before I come from a large family, and the bulk of the birthdays and anniversaries are during the Fall and Winter months, so by March I am sick of my family and wishing I was an only child, wondering where in the hell did all my money go!
Anyway boys are here...
Have a great day all!
Cindy 8月10日 HiWell I am soooo wiped out, today and I really don't know what to blog about....
Should I write about the first time I saw my oldest nephew in a play, I don't mean a school play I mean a REAL play.....
Or Another family get together, that was a lot of fun and disturbed my neighbor, until I invited him in for a piece of pumpkin pie....
I don't know....
Maybe after a nap...
Later peeps
Cindy 8月8日 SHHHHHH! Part 2OK I'm back from the park, here's a hint for you....
Never and I repeat NEVER take six kids to the park when you have a hangover!
Even my Goofy PEZ dispenser loaded with extra strength aspin didn't help.
Yeah yeah I know it's my own fault, but I did have a good time.
I even have a lusty lothorio seduction attempt (that I put an end to very quickly) to tell you about.
Yesterday late afternoon my friend Rick(the one I dated for 10 years, but now were just friends) came over, took pity on me and took me out for dinner to a place that didn't even have a kids menu!
We had a nice dinner and a glass of wine, honestly that's all I planned on having because I did have to work in the morning.
Yeah.
Rick had other ideas...
We walked back to my place from the restaurant, and Rick goes to his truck, I was thinking that he was going to go home, well I didn't want him to go yet it was still early and I asked if he wanted a cup of coffee before he left.
He says "No, I have something better."
And pulls a cooler from the back of his truck.
What wonders does this box hold do you ask?
It holds 6 of each Smirnoff twisted grape and orange...
OMG! these things taste great!
Like I said before, grape crush and creamsicles respectively but with a kick!
They are sooo easy to drink that you can easily forget that you are drinking anything with booze in it, until after the 3rd one and you try and stand up..LOL!
Anyway we take the cooler on through to the back yard and sit and chat for a bit while we have our drinks after the first I decide I do indeed want another one, and if we are going to be here a while that some music would be nice.
I go in and get the portable CD player and my new favorite CD...
I put it on, he picks up the case to see what it is and says:
"Oh God!, I went through this once already with you over 20 years ago, do I really have to do it again?"
I say:
"Yes, this is sex on a CD so shut up and give it a listen, and be thankful it isn't country!"
Long gone are the days he has any say in what music I play in my house or backyard.
I should also really watch what I say around him..LOL!
So after sitting in comfortable silence for a couple of songs, he hands me another bottle, (this is number 3 on top of a glass of wine, if anyone is counting.) and says:
"So this does it for ya eh?"
I am relaxed, eyes closed letting the warm night air and music wash over me.
I answer with a contented "Hmmm."
He pulls the old "stretch and yawn, arm over the shoulder" bit and cops a feel.
I smile sweetly and snuggle into his shoulder, I let my hand creep up inside his shirt and trail my finger up his chest, where I take a hold of a couple of chest hairs....
And twist!
I look him in the eye and say:
"Hands off the fun bits Buddy, those are my toys and I'm not into sharing these days."
He removed his hand and finished his drink and said:
"I'm calling a cab."
End of night.
Take care all
Cindy
P.S.
He's not mad at me or even a bad guy, he just likes to see how far he can get...LOL! SHHHHH!Anything that taste like grape crush or orange creamsicles, shouldn't have an alcohol content above 2%!..
Will blog later....
When typing on the keys doesn't sound like a jackhammer......
Uuuug!
The boys want eggs for breakfast......
Where ARE those darn aspirin?!
8月7日 Hello MondayWell for some reason my stats is not working for me.....that bugs me I know they are not always accurate but I like to check them anyway!
I hope everyone has a wonderful Monday!
And if you stop by say Hello, I love connecting with new friends as well as old ones.
And lost ones that have not been seen for a while, they are not forgotten and are truly missed.
As always
Cindy 8月6日 Poems Written By LaineyKindred Companion From whence you came I do not know. It seems I have known you all of my life. That you have been with me forever. We connect at a level that the mind cannot comprehend. Darkness is no more. For we travel the same path Demon Feast Wicked this way I walk through life demons at my side. They consume the goodness like locusts in a feeding frenzy. My soul is crying for that which is lost. Cries, which only incite their appetite to purge me of anything good that is left. Oh, Holy Mother of God…. Can you help me? Silence Unheeded cries Demons laughing I cannot stop the sickening thoughts that plague my brain infest my soul I am but a pawn in their game of evil. My destruction is their evolution. each other’s flame lighting the way. solace cling to me for my heart needs to feel your beat it is solace for my soul you touch the very depth of my soul i know not where you will carry me or how but i know we will always be together hearts beating as one this is but a granule in the sand of time for you are my eternity and we will be forever joined two as one you become me Take my hand Knave sleep my knave i wish to dream upon you and then become one with you it is my wish to taste your wisdom your pearls of wine spreading upon my naked body such a sweet caress i want to taste and experience only with you and walk with me. It is the journey of kindred companions. Sharing thoughts and hearts we find new meaning to life. Our journey has begun or maybe it is just continuing. The road does not end it is infinite my kindred companion. We shall be and have been connected always and forevermore. Simple PleasuresI phoned A&B Sound this morning to find where in the hell my order was, it's been almost 2 months and I'm getting tired of waiting....GRRR!
Anyway I still have to wait another week AND then re-order if it doesn't come in....
GRRRRR! HISSSSS! and various other swear words!
But instead of yelling at the young woman on the phone after all it's not her fault, I ask if she could add another CD to my order, she says sure.
I tell her the name, and she says hold on it looks like we have one in the store, let me just check and see if it's still on the shelf...(Such a nice girl!).
She comes back and says they do in fact have one and would I like her to hold it for me?
I say, yes please I will be there in about 45 mins to pick it up....
What I really wanted to say was: DUH! what a stupid question!
But I resisted, you catch more bees with honey than vinegar as the saying goes.
I wasn't going to buy this CD because I'm not really a fan of covers no matter who does them, but yesterday when I was at my mother's I went on to http://www.rickspringfield.com and listened to a preview of the album, and loved what I heard!
It's called "The Day After Yesterday".
It is the type of CD you put on and turn the lights down low, and share a glass of wine with that special someone....
I have always loved his voice. I have said before that it does lovely funny things to my insides...
On this album...Oh my goodness!.....Excuse me while I swoon!
Not to be crude or anything but it's a "Get lucky" CD if I've ever heard one!!
Well that's it for now, I'm going to sit in my back yard with a cold drink and lose myself in the music and sunshine.
Take care
Cindy |
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