I feel completely, utterly....F*CKING helpless.....NO make that USELESS, completley, utterly, F*CKING useless!

My best friend who is now really feeling the affects of chemo, as well as this NASTY ass cold Tessa and I have had, well I DID tell her (my friend) NOT to come over but she did AND she just HAD to hug Tessa....So yeah I feel bad that she has the cold but I'm also pissed at her because she KNOWS that she can't fight off colds and crap like that and she knowingly walked in here.

Anyway she called me a little while ago, and she's in the hospital, because she is dehydrated from vomiting she can't even keep water down, on top of all that her and her husband had a HUGE fight, so big that she left the house....

Now you may ask Why I'm here on the computer instead of at the hospital with her.

Well I'll tell you.

I'm a useless waste of space who can't drive and is too physically weak to help her so she drove all the way out to Abbotsford to get help from another friend, she drove over a hour to get help because she knew I couldn't help her even though I'm only 10 minutes away....I HATE THAT!

I can't stand this useless as hell feeling.

There are acually a few people I really want to help......And I KNOW I could.......Or rather I USED to be able too, but now I can' t because my body has betrayed me and is too F*CKING weak, even if I could get to them.

Feeling a little better today, thanks to everyone who left such kind comments.....

This nasty cold still has a bit of a hold on me but I think it's passing now, the 102 temp I spiked last night just may have burned it out.

Yesterday (Sept 28) marked the 25th anniversary of the day my friend Rick (off and on again ex, but always friend.) met.

This is what I wrote last year , honestly I don't think I could top it so I'm going to re-post it:

 

 

 

I FEEL LIKE ROAD KILL!

 

Oh wait...road kill is dead, there for feels nothing.........

 

I WISH I FELT LIKE ROAD KILL!

There hasn't been much going on around here lately except Tessa has been laid low by a NASTY head cold, it hasn't hit me too hard yet but I feel it, getting out of bed in the morning is VERY hard but onece I'm up and going I'm pretty good until around 5 pm, then I NEED to crash but I can't because I have the boys.....

Oh well the weekend is coming and I can fall into a coma then.

I was late getting the boy to school the other day, he's still mad at me for that....LOL!

Then yesterday I slept right through my alarm and didn't hear when him and his Mother came to the door, Tessa did  though and let me sleep until I had to get him to school.

Today I'm taking Tessa into the Doc's before she goes to school, I don't think she should go but she doesn't want to miss anymore school.....Maybe she'll listen to the Doc and get some real rest.

When I first shaved my head my friends on here where so very kind and up lifting with thier comments.....Now I get asked; "Got hair yet?"......LOL!

My friend is still going through treatment so her hair isn't growing back yet but it will when the treatments stop....She's doing quite well BTW.

My hair on the other hand is growing nicely thank you.

I can't do anything with it yet, well I can almost spike it, not quite but almost.

 

Funny story #1.

One day (about 3 weeks after the shaving) my brother decided to bug me on IM , but as soon as he saw my display pic whatever bothersome big brother quip he was about to say was lost and all he could say was, "WHAT THE HELL DID YOU DO TO YOUR HAIR?!?!?!"

I knew I hadn't seen or talked to him since before I did it but I thought our Mother would have told him THEY talk every day, but I guess she forgot to mention it...LOL he was so shocked and really didn't get why I did it, oh well not many of the guys I know got it. What is it that guys like so much about girls with long hair?

 

Funny Story # 2.

When I first moved into this complex I lived in another unit and my next door neighbours were this elderly couple from Yugoslavia Their names are Julia and Julius...How cute is that?

they are really very Sweet (LOUD) but sweet. (they are in their 80's)

Anyway one day I was sitting outside having coffee with the Mother of the brother and sister I look after and Julius saw me without my headscarf on and he was quite upset, he tried to talk to me but because he was upset and his accent is so thick at the best of times I couldn't really understand what he was trying to say, so I asked him if he or his wife needed help, he said no, and continued to rattle off at me, I finally said to him "If you don't need anything please come back and talk to me when you've calmed down."

He took a deep breath and said "OK."

Well a couple of days passed and I was at the grocery store and Julia (the wife) all but leaped on me asking "What's wrong with you? Where is your daughter? Why are you out by yourself?..."

I told her that I was alright and I didn't need my daughter to shop for me after all it's summertime not winter...LOL!

Then she asks why I don't have any hair, and I told her the reason, she grabbed me in a crushing bear hug (she is one STRONG old lady!) and said how sweet it was that I did that for my friend and she was glad I was OK, then she told her husband and when he saw me later that day I got another crushing bear hug, I think i had a bruised rib or two but, it was very sweet of them to be so worried about me.

 

Funny Story #3.

Just the other day I was sitting outside a neighbourhood coffee shop with the boys after having gone to the park (I needed a coffee, and they needed a snack.)

As we were sitting thier enjoying our little break a car stops right in front of us and this woman rolls down her window and asks me where I got my hair done, (my hair is still VERY short but it has grown out enough that I don't wear a scarf anymore.) I look at her a little confused and she says, " I want my hair done just like that."

I smile at her and say, "Well all you have to do is shave it all off and wait about 5 weeks." 

yeah I know, I'm a smart ass...<GRIN>

Then it was her turn to look at me strangely, and I said "No really about 5 weeks ago I shaved my head and this is how it's grown out."

Then she said  "Oh. OK that sound easy enough."  And drove away.

This whole conversation tickeled the older boy's funny bone so hard he giggled about it all the way home...LOL!

 

Have a wondeful Sunday all!

If you don't feel outrage and heartbreak after watching this then I don't know....

This was shared with me on my Facebook account.

When I first started watching this I was going to turn it off because like a few of my friends I've got enough going on that is making me somewhat sad  but I couldn't look away.

On one hand I wish I hadn't watched it because it is so heartbreaking that I am having a hard time typing this because of the tears and other the hand I'm glad because more people need to see this and feel the outrage and do whatever you can to make sure this kind of think Stops happening.

Click:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uWow42TCwzg 

Nothing much going on still watching the kids, and dealing with Tessa's mood swings.

She's settled down a bit and we are not battleing in the morning. (She waits until the afternoon now.)

Autunm is coming in fast, the Fall is my favorite time of year, the colours and crisp clean air with scent of wood smoke ever presant.

Now we get to wear cozy sweaters and cute boots.

And I get to make yummy stews with fresh bread and of course the new T.V. season <GRIN>

I have two weeks to figure out what to get my Mother for her birthday.....I have NO IDEA what to get her......What do you get a 67 year old that has everything she needs?.....Suggestions are very welcome. 

Well like I said;

Not much to say today,  might later on who knows.....

Take care all, and if you stop by say hello.

(((Hugs)))

Cindy

Say Hi if you stop by.

If you can't, feel free to email me and let me know.

 

 

 

As I start this it is 203 am, yes I should be sleeping but I can't......

Because of different things like: Tessa not going to the first night of Cadets and the Corps not calling Tessa was only told about the sailing weeked this past Wednesday night, so that didn't give her enough time to get her all of her weekend shifts at work covered, she got friday night covered and Sunday covered but no one would take Saturday so she can't go.

She was (and still sort of is) SOOO upset she couldn't see straight.

I let her rant and rave for a bit but I had to put my foot down when she said " I'll just quit and get another job, when I get back..."

You see she got two jobs very easily and  now she thinks that ANY job she applies for will just fall into her lap.....

I had to let her know in no uncertain terms this wasn't the case, and that  no I WOULDN'T sign the papers (the ones allowing her to go.) and there was no way in hell I was going to phone her work on Saturday and tell them she was sick.

WELL!

After I said that I was the worst Mother EVER and all I cared about was the money, and if she was with Grandma she would be able to go and she wouldn't have to work...yadda, yadda!

OK fine!

After battling her over one thing or another this week I had had it!

I sat down at my computer to type a letter to her Cadet CO letting him know that such short notice about these weekends was disruptive to say the least, but I was also going to ask if there was another way for Tessa to get the training she was going to miss this weekend, I also needed an exscuse to NOT talk to my daughter OR my Mother for a bit.

As I was Typing my Mother IMed me, I let her know that at that very moment Tessa was face down on the couch bawling her eyes out because she couldn't go this weekend, and my Mother says, "Tell her I'll buy something for her to feel better."

(I went to bed for a couple of hours)

Now on with what I was saying:

I said "Oh hell no! You won't after you hear what she said!"

So I told her and MIRACLE if MIRACLES my Mother DIDN'T say I was being too hard on her!

(very surprsing because that has been her favorite saying these days.)

My Mother went on to tell Tessa to "Suck it up Princess."  (MY favorite saying these days.)

To "Use her head ." And to realise that there will be other weekends and that she (Tessa) was also responsable for this as well by being wishy washy about staying with Cadets and blowing off the first night , where she would have found out about the weekend  sooner.

Tessa wasn't happy about hearing yet again what I had been saying ALL afternoon, she sat down cried some more, watched Mike Rowe (Dirty Jobs) with his shirt off and drew me as a "Worrior Elf Princess"  as a way of apologising, (The picture is SO cool! I am one sexy elf!) and when I can get to my Mother's to scan it I will post it.) 

So by the time she went to bed she was feeling better but bucking for the day off from school today.

Yeah, no. NOT gonna happen!

There was more "Fun times"  with the brothers I look after But I will tell that story later sufice it to say they are both grounded here AND at home for the next 2 days.....

Kids!

Gotta love them!

Have a great day all!

 

ALREADY?!?

This week is going by SOO fast.

Well I guess when you have a battle every morning, it makes the time go faster....LOL!

I LOVE my child but, MAN! the mood swings are hard to keep up with....OIY!

Well she got Marching orders from Cadets last night she will be going to Victoria this weekend for a "Sailing Weekend".

Which is good because up until last night she wasn't sure if she was going to stay with Cadets but she has decided to stay and she has been accepted for the accelerated program, she is very happy about that.

I have the kids late tonight so today is going to be a LONG day but, that's OK I don't really mind, because that means we can take a little more time with the homework and possibly get enough time to go to the park before dinner.

Maybe, since the weather is so nice we'll do homework and have a picnic dinner at the park..yeah that sounds like a good idea.

Well I hope everyone has a WONDERFUL day!

(((Hugs)))

Cindy

That I have out!

I said it before and I'll say it again, I have a smart, talented  and for the most part a well behaved child.....

BUT....

Living with a teenage girl is HELL!

(and she would say the same about me.) 

It's not even 9 am and I NEED a drink!

And very moving.....

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5fMoi7WAaHw 

 

And it's time that they come home.

It's Monday.....UGH! 

It's a I DON'T WANNA! Kind of a day.

I think I'm going to go back to bed, after I take the boy to school that is......

Too bad I can't actually turn the ringer off on my phone......THANK GOD for call display becuase although it might wake me up I can choose who I talk to......(neener neener!)

Hi,

I hope everyone has had a great weekend, mine wasn't bad , not that I really get a weekend, but whatever. I choose to take on these kids KNOWING the hours I would have them.

The roast and yorkshire pudding dinner didn't happen until last night and turned in to a bigger deal then first planned on, and after making 40 yorkshire puddings I now know my oven needs to be recalibrated..LOL!

Luckily there were only one or two hockey pucks in the batch, but even those taste good with enough gravy on them...<GRIN>

It was a HUGE meal we had:

Roast beef

3 kinds of veggies, broccoli , califlower and sweet corn

Mashed potatos

Salad with a rainbow of sweet peppers in it

Gravy

Yorshire puddings

And for desert there were 3 kinds of pie (Apple, Cherry and lemon), with whipped cream.

There was also ginger cookies and  little chocolate cakes but we didn't get to those.

I sent the brothers I look after home in a food coma....LOL!

It was so cute when thier Mother came to get them the older one was sort of walking around in a daze (starting of food coma) looking for something, not sure what but in the middle his wandering he stopped and gave me a BIG hug.....AWWW!

I know it doesn't sound like a big deal but really it is.

Then he says to me, "You are strict and I can't get away with anything, but your the best babysitter I ever had."

Again.....AWWW!

He had been building up to that all day, I know this because of other comments he made and questions he asked through out the day.

I love it when the light bulb clicks on and the kids realise my rules and structure come from caring and wanting what's best for them and not from me just being a cranky ole babysitter....

Usually it's not untl the kids are older that they also realise it comes from me being a COMPLETE control freak.....A loving and caring control freak but still a FREAK....LOL!

Hey why not let your freak flag fly?

Have a great Sunday all!

 

 

 

I'm sitting here blasting out my eardrums  listening to R.S. and it's really not the "Of course you are!" kind of thing you might think it is....I DO listen and love other music too, his music is what I turn to when I'm hurting and confused, it helps smooth out the rough edges, even if it's only for a little while.

I have written a lot about my ex Rick and the ups and downs of our relationship, in the end when all is said and done no matter what we do or say to each other, we both know that we are there for each other.

Well just 2 days ago I found out that may not be the case for much longer.....

He is seriously thinking about moving to Alberta.

After all it would be easy for him, "3 phone calls  a truckload and done."

There were a couple of other things said but what it boils down to is that for him there is nothing to keep him here except the promise to HIS BOSS that he wouldn't go off for a bit yet.

I just sat there kinda stunned for a bit, then I said the only thing I could say...." For my own selfish reasons I don't want you to go, but if you feel it's the right move for you then that's what you should do."

While on the inside I think I heard something crack......just writing this is making me tear up.

Yes we have had a rough patch for a couple of months, (after a nasty fight.), but we were working through it.

I mean after 25 years and everything we've been through we couldn't just walk away over thoughtless words said by some brainless twit, who didn't have all the facts.

If he does leave, I really don't know what I will do, but I will not ask him to stay or take me with him....To be honest I don't know that even if he asked  me to go with him I'm not sure I would go .......Not that he'd ask anyway, so there is no real point in even thinking about that.....<sigh>

I've got about 10 minutes before I have to go take the boy to school, I have to say this getting up at 5:30 am thing sucks!

Mind you, I have yet to do it, the alarm goes off and I hit the sleep button until the Mother and boy are are pounding on my front door and I have to stumble out of my bed  blurry eyed and cursing.

I am NOT a morning person. 

Be right back I have more to say......

K. Back now, lucked out and a neighbour caught up to us half way to the school and took the boy the rest of the way allowing me to come back home and whimper and whine about my sore hip in semi private, I say "semi private" because I just told you people about it....*Grin, grimace*.

As I was saying before I am NOT a morning person, in an ideal world I would be up, dressed and half way through my first cup of coffee BEFORE they came to my door but, I can't seem stop myself from hitting that sleep button, (repeatedly).

Oh well I'll get used to it soon enough.

Tonight I'm going to go to the first membership meeting I've been to since the whole committee resigned en mass a about 6 month ago, all of us that resigned have decided to go back because as predicted the people that took over fell on their faces so hard that stitches were needed.

I don't want to even look at the paperwork, I have a feeling that it's going to take us at least 3 months of triple meetings just to untangle the mess......Oh joy!

Part of the reason I'm going back *snob alert*

Is because I really don't like not having a say in who moves into the complex....(yes that is why I was calling myself a snob.) and if I'm on the committee I get a vote, I like that.

Well I've killed enough time on here I'm off to the shops, I need some sort of meat for dinner tonight, I've been doing a veggie thing lately and the kids looked at me last night and said "Can we have burgers or even chicken?"

Maybe I'll get a nice roast I haven't done that in a long time...yeah that's what I'll do, I'll even make Yorkshire Puddings.....YUM!

Have a great day all!

 

First day of school.....yay.......pftttt!

I thought that I would only have to boot Tessa out of bed, I had already done all the paper work I needed to do so until LATE last night I was thinking that I had one more day off, cool! Yeah no not gonna happen the Mother of the brother and sister thought that it was enough notice to let me know at 10 o'clock at night that "Oh yeah I'll be dropping off the boy at 6 am, and by the way I don't know what time he has to be at school...."

ARRRRRG!

Is it just me? Or is that something that should have been looked into a little sooner?

And not by me.

In just a few more minutes I should know when I have to take him to school. It would be sooo nice if people would just get organized.

Now onto other things.

The other day I saw karma work in the most amazing and direct way I have ever seen it work before.

Now this might offend some people and I am truly sorry for that but I have write about this.

When I was in school there was this one girl that was one of the meanest kids I have ever met, we were in the same class from kindergarden until grade 6 then I went to another school for a year and all was good.

The reason this girl and I HATED eachother was that she was a bully and took particular joy in picking on kids with disabilities (we went to one of the only schools in the province at the time that had both able bodied and disabled children.) and me being me would stand up to her and more often then not end up getting knocked down for it but I would still cause her no end of grief if I caught her being a bully.

Well anyway this went on for years, funny thing was one of us would move or something like that and as fate would have it we would end up going to the same school!

Finally in my last year of school it seems I was rid of her...YAY! She really was a NASTY child, the last time I actually saw her was when I pinned her against a locker because she had just knocked my friends crutches out from under her, you would think by the age of 16 she would have out grown that behavior but she hadn't, anyway after that she left school and I hadn't even thought about her in over 20 years....Well that was until a couple of days ago.

I was on faceBook and I was looking at a profile of someone who requested I become thier friend, I didn't recongize the name so I looked at this guys profile and there SHE was in his friends list! I was surprised and decided to look at her profile just to make sure it WAS infact her...Yup it was her.

This is where karma comes in, and a little poetic justice too I think. To be honest karma has been both a blessing and a curse in my life, (as well as one hell of a good  R.S. album.) But I have never seen it run so straight and true as this.

It turns out that she has a child with a disability.

From what I read she doesn't see having a child with a disability as a inconveniance or bother and seems to be very active in making people aware of the challenges and needs of kids like her child. Which is nice to see considering what she was like when she was younger.

MY DAY OFF YAY!

I'm going to sit here and blog, drink my cup of coffee then maybe I'll play a game or two on POGO....

After that I don't know....

I'm avoiding taking my water pills, I really should because my legs are swelling a bit do to all the walking and standing in line I've have to do over the last week because of the bruecratic BS thing I wrote about in my last entry but I just don't wanna I like that it helps with the swelling but the other side effect..... I. Hate. It.

Tessa was supossed to have the day off too but they called her into work so she's doing that.

I just took a little break to do root touch up thing on Tessa's hair, fingers crossed that it works!

Maybe in a little while I will clean my house, I might just wait to do that tomarrow and give myself a true day off.

Last night my friend took me to see the movie "War" it was good I enjoyed it, but then again I'm an action flick chick. Before we saw the movie we stopped at Starbuck's for coffee, they have all thier Autum merchendice out and we saw these really cute cups with pumpkins on them well of course I HAD to have one, (I have a weakness for funky and fun coffee mugs, I have about 80 of them.)