Cindy's space

Well I’m off to bed, after Grey’s Anatomy and one more cup of coffee.

I need to get up at 6 am, have a quick shower, NOT have coffee, (that is going to suck monkey butt.) get in a car with my Mother and drive for I don’t know how long and find a hospital we’ve never been to, and go through what I stated in my last entry.

Then I get to look after (with a lot of help from Tessa.) Look after the boys…Oh don’t look at me like that!

There is no one else to look after these boys, I’m sure if they tried harder the Mother’s could find someone but it ALWAYS turns into a nightmare and it takes me a week or more to fix the damage.

These boys don't handle change well, so I'm picking the shorter duration of stress.

It has taken me over a hour to to type this, watching T.V. and typing is not easy..LOL! 

Good night, see ya when I get back.

Well it’s just 2 more sleeps until I go under again…

I’m just going to cut and paste the comment I posted on Momma’s space, to explain what is going to happen Friday;

 

~The operation is going to be real easy, get to the hospital at an ungodly hour of the morning wait around for any where from 1 to 3 hours, get to take a deep nap for 20 minutes, get rudely awoken from said nap, with an itchy eye to fight with a nurse who wants me to stay for another 2 hours until I’m “fully” awake and doesn’t believe that BECAUSE she has woken me up and irritated the HELL out of me, I AM “fully” awake and will be going home as soon as my ride shows up...And said ride (if they know what’s good for them.) will be there before I finish getting my shoes on.

I think I have said before, I don’t wake up from general anastia (sp?) very happy or nice.

Good thing though...

There will be no bruising, bandages or patches. Just some redness and a stitch inside my eye that will dissolve in 4 to 6 weeks.

And since I can’t see out of the eye they are operating on anyway, I will probably be able to give an update later in the day Friday. ~

 

So far Tessa hasn’t from any of the places she put her resume in…But it’s only been 2 days, I won’t panic just yet…

Even though I truly appreciate prayers, well wishes and good thoughts concerning my operation, could you PLEASE say them for Tessa’s job search?

Thank you!

Have a great night

~PS~

Even though this operation is considered non invasive, I am under orders to rest for five days , (yeah like THAT will happen!)  to let the stitch take. So it looks like I might miss (Canadian) Thanksgiving (Monday the 13th) ....Second year in a row...That SUCKS!

 

 

I want to go here or here both places would do my soul a world of good. Another place would be here  I found that last one through my blog buddy Kat ; she went there this weekend and had a wonderful time. We are both very lucky to live in places that allow us to “Get away” to another place and time in our own back yards.

 

Yes, I want to run away, run away from the responsibility, uncertainty, and ugliness that is in my life right now, even if it’s only for a couple of days.

I want to fall asleep to the sounds of water or the forest in a big comfy bed and have guilt free meals served to me in bed or on a private deck over looking the water…

 

Yes, I know that everything will still be there when I get back, but I REALLY NEED the recharge…

 

If you haven’t done so already take a look over my posts over the past month or so and you will understand.

 

I don’t mean to sound negative but… The sad thing is, there is nothing I can do to change anything that is going on, I just have to ride it out and hope I make it to the other side in one piece.  

Even knowing my best friend won’t be there with me.

I had grand plans of getting my house straight today before I get my eye operated on, that's going to happen on Friday but I wanted to get a head start and not wait until the last minute, I even made a list of what I wanted done and everything....Meh! now I'm sitting here looking at the list...And all I can think is, "I DON'T WANNA!"  Oh well. It will get done...Probably at the last minute. Like late Thursday night when I can't sleep because I'm nervous.

I fully expect a phone call from the school today because brat boy will be a little jerk...

Last week when I was busy with Doctors and seminars they called my cell twice each day to come and deal with this kid...Even after I had told them on Monday I wasn't going to be available, I was very clear DO NOT CALL Tuesday, Wednesday  or Thursday I was going to be at least 2 hours away at any given time...Did they listen? No. Did the mother make sure the kid's homework was done? No.

I know I shouldn't care, but I do. I know I should quit, but I can't.

So I will just settle for ranting and raving on here.

Thanks and have a nice day.

I have been sitting here all day stewing  about stupid dumb that my family does....Like saying (13 years after the fact) to April that she was invited to my brother's wedding, and asking her why she didn't come.....?

There were other similar comments all designed to make me look bad.

She wasn't invited, not only that, Tessa and I weren't allowed to go to the ceremony because Tessa (3 1/2 at the time)

Was too much of a handful....which is BULL SHIT, she was a normal 3 and a half year old...It pisses me off that they are always trying to say Tessa was more of a brat then thier kids.

The worst part of it is that they STILL try  to do it.

My sister has 2 kids and my brother has 4. (2 daughters and 2 step sons)

My sister's sons and my brother's step sons have and still do:

 

 

It seems there is no semi private on here...So I'm going public again.....Sorry to anyone who tried to get in and couldn't.

Waking up at 6:30 am on a Sunday is bad just plain bad….

At least I don’t have to watch the boys today, their Mother has the flu so she’s not going to her other job….So that’s good, for me not her.

 

Hopefully I can actually get some things done around the house today…Don’t know, I’ll see how I feel after I go to the store and get water. The idea of just coming back home and crawling back under my covers is very appealing.

 

Mum’s birthday dinner last night was good, not as loud and boisterous as usual but good, my sister ended up paying for Tessa, April and I. That was nice.

 

I also found out that I’m am having a “Surprise” party for my birthday….Ahh yeah, sounds all sweet and fun….It’s not.

And why the person told me about it I don’t know, (or rather I don’t believe the reason they gave.) but I do know the reason behind doing the party instead of what I wanted to do, and I don’t like it.

 

So I’m just going to let everyone off the hook and cancel the whole thing.

I not feeling sorry for my self or anything like that…It’s just how things are, I’m sure I’ll end up having a nice day anyway….

Just a quick note:

Day two of the seminar, is about to start....It's been interesting.

It's strange, I got an e-mail yesterday from a blog buddy saying that I had set my space to private...I hadn't I HAD set it to semi private as in my spaces friends and thier friends could get in....Now I have gone public again...We'll see how long that lasts, I just might go semi private again soon.

I have my regular 2 days off right now, and by God I'm taking them!

I told both Mothers don't bother calling me today or tomorrow because you "picked up an extra shift." Or  your  kid "won't listen to his teacher."

As I was typing that last paragraph, the phone rang and it was one of the Mothers....

She's a little ticked because not only am I taking these 2 days off I'm also not available on Wednesday and Thursday, (Cancer seminar, that has already been paid for.)

Ya know? I told them when I first agreed to take these kids on again they NEEDED to have back up.

They wouldn't need it that often but there would be times that it would be.

Like over the next 4 days:

 

lab for blood work.

Bank.

pre op Doc appointment.

2 day (all day) seminar in Downtown Vancouver.

Then Saturday is my Mother's Birthday dinner. Her birthday is actually on Thursday but we are having the big Family thing on Saturday, I haven't even THOUGHT about what to get her yet....

Then On the 7th another pre op Doc appointment.

Then the 10th is operation day.

THEN.

Everything is back to what passes for normal around here until MY 40th birthday dinner, that at this point I don't even know if it's going to happen.....

So yeah.

I really need to find deserted island.

So like the T-shirt I’m wearing says: “It’s all about me. Deal with it.”

And honestly, if I lose some friends on here because they think I’m being self centered or whatever, so be it.

I have to get this out and this is the only place I feel comfortable doing it.

 

I really don’t know how I’m going to do this, and by this I mean How the hell am I going to watch some one I love dearly die again..

 

The first one was April’s Mother; she was a second Mother to me and someone I could always talk too. She died of Advance Breast cancer….It was long and horrible and something I hoped to never see again.

 

Then it was my Father; I have written many times about my Dad and how much I miss him still to this day.

 

Now, now I get to watch the one true real friend I have or ever had, the one friend who has always been there, no matter what, die the same horrible way her Mother did.

 

I don’t know how I’m going to do it….I know I will….I just don’t know how.

 

I try to be positive and believe we are doing all we can to extend her life in the in the best possible way, but then I talk to her and she can’t breath very well and she’s telling me that her second and third opinion Doctors aren’t giving any more options then the first one did…It’s hard. It hurts. I want it to stop.

 

Tessa has deep inner ear infection that the first Doctor missed, and the reason she can't hear is because she has fluid in her ear....So New set of antibiotics. And we wait again.

I should add that the Doc said he has seen so many kids from her school (more then the usual "start of school rush") that he is going to have it looked into.

Tessa can barely hear out out of BOTH ears now headed to the Doctors, will update as soon as I can.

Good thoughts please.

Not even a month into the school year and Tessa has yet to make it a whole week. A class here, a day there….For one reason or another school has been a battle for the last 5 years, then just when we get her to the point that she wants to go and there is no illness to stop her and she goes for a whole week straight.

WHAM!

She gets an ear infection that is more then likely going to take her hearing in her left ear.

We are hoping, the infection was caught in time but it’s iffy….

So you can see life around here is still more of the same, just as we get used to and able to deal with one issue, another thing pops up…And we have to rework things again…Never a dull moment eh?